i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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