I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
