I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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