He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
