my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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