I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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