No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
