You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
