I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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