he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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