You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
