Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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