Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
