kristin has been a bad kristin
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
