did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
