dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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