um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
