It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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