I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
