I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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