he looks like a really good dad on facebook
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
