i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
