If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
