I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize