so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
