I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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