he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
