i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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