Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
