Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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