You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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