So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
