dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
