a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
