dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
