i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
