Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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