Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i dont even know how to be here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
