sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
