We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
