we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
