I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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