We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
