Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
