I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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