Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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