Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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