worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
