Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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