Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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