Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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