I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
