I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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