Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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