For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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