I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
