The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
