all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
