I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
